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Let's upset Procreation
Dr. Rao will appreciate your comments and feedback.
Chapter Twenty-nine: Let’s Upset Procreation
Caution: Parents, skip this chapter, for you will be extremely angry or feel extremely ashamed.
You should be.
My pet subject, the pullulation (rapid germination) of a purposeless species.
The side effect of eating is shitting; the side effect of copulation, besides venereal disease, is the deadliest social disease – babygetting. Both are waste products.
I was watching a wildlife programme on TV. There is a dried-up pond in the middle of nowhere; just hard, caked, cracked mud. Rain falls; suddenly all sorts of life forms miraculously sprout out of the mud and do two things in a sort of vengeful frenzy – they kill and they copulate. The human is not much different.
Witnessing the meretricious fanfare with which people corybantically (deliriously and maniacally) celebrate the outcome of copulation, an alien (He landed in my garden and we became friends) and I had the following conversation.
Alien, ‘Hey, Earthling, is your race in imminent danger of dying out or what?’
I, ‘Why do you ask?’
‘Why the frenzied celebration on the outcome of a baby?’
I had no answer. But my friend was right. Procreation mimics a kind of protozoan frenzy to circumvent such a (mythical) catastrophe!
As to the procreation palaver being acclaimed as something special, worthy of broadcasting and celebration, I am unable to glean anything extraordinary in such a fatuous event. Indeed, I know a community of maggots (They have taken out squatters rights in my allotment) who are very much better at it than we are, but do not make a song and dance of it. ‘I am proud of you!’ is one of the banal responses, especially of the grandparents of the mite. Proud of what? Fornicating? No blockage in the reproductive system? ‘Congratulations!’ is the usual response of others to such mundane news. My fellow maggots don’t go around toasting champagne or sending electronic hugs and kisses to one another when another maggot hatches out. Indeed, even the lowliest life-form can create a life.
Now that that has got you really riled…let us dissect this pestilential subject rationally and amiably. But, before that, we have a couple of questions.
Question: Do you wish to have a child or your child?
Response: What do you mean?
Question: If you wish to have a child, there are millions of orphans to choose from.
Response: I want to have my child.
Then it is my business to convince you that such an undertaking is the worst of crimes.
Eight reasons why procreation is a crime
1.Yersinia pestis, the chap who causes bubonic/pneumonic plague is reckoned to be the deadliest bacterium on earth. Would you extol me if I were to deliberately grow such a species and release it to invade the world? Yet, you eulogize the birth of a new member of Homo sapiens, who is the deadliest form of all creation! Intelligence shoots out of the window, and sordid sentiment entrenches itself. My judgement on philoprogenitive (tendency to procreate) proclivities is that it is the vilest crime, and my clarion call is to refrain is just a simple exercise in Logic, Morality and Responsibility (LMR).
No one is listening. I am miffed.
- If LMR seems vague and unacceptable for some daft reason, let us turn to science. I am disinterested in some 4000 diseases which are genetically transmitted; most of them are uncommon, and many of them can be detected before or during pregnancy and dealt with appropriately by snuffing them. But, I am very interested in the multi-factorial and polygenic debilitating disorders which plague every citizen on earth – arthritis, asthma, hypertension, heart disease, diabetes, bowel disorders, cancer etc for which the jury is still out debating whether they are due to dodgy genes or dodgy environment or both.
No one is listening. I am still miffed.
- Mental illness is due to environment, the chief cause being the physical/mental trauma inflicted within the walls of a home by the parents. Forsooth, most family homes are prisons containing strangers or enemies, hurting each other in a thousand ways, and living in eternal strife. Consequently, there’s a good chance of the child ending up as a loony. Indeed, the incidence of mental illness is reaching frightening levels in all cultures. Is it good to nurture potential loonies? (Further reading on this intriguing subject in Chapter Ten, Let’s Upset Mental Illness)
- Two people cannot get on with each other. How can millions? Therefore, as population increases, so does strife between the different peoples. Forsooth, such brawls are already reaching epic proportions.
- Everyone is obsessed with the physical appearance of the baby; ‘It has ten fingers and ten toes and looks as pretty as an angel!’ No one even thinks of the more important aspect of life – ‘Is it going to be a good child, an intelligent adult, an honourable citizen?’ and how to go about making it so. It is quite unfortunate that there is no in-vitro test to ascertain the mental capabilities of the future citizen, to enable us to snuff it in vitro if found wanting. Why take such an outrageous risk? Why create humdrum humans?
- If the above seems a bit provocative, I have a question. ‘Who is more pleasing to the eye? A white Caucasian or the tribal peoples of Asia, Australasia and South America? Of course, the latter deem themselves to be beautiful, but no other race concurs with that biased opinion, especially the Indians who treasure white skin above attractive physiognomy.
No one is listening. I am getting really dangerously up the miffing scale.
My uncle went to an art gallery, and a woman asked him if a particular picture was one of those hideous examples of modern art. He replied, ‘No, madam, that is a mirror.’
- If that is too wacky, certain peoples are more intelligent or compassionate or honourable than others. Why practice cacogenics (opposite of eugenics) and create more Indians whose qualities are seldom deserving of applause, respect and honour? (Read the chapters in Book Eleven Chapter twenty-seven, Let’s Upset Indians)
- The main reason why I dislike procreation is that incurable narcissists, obsessed with their genetic bank, cannot or refuse to look upon one who has not emerged from their own loins as their brethren; hence the field of philanthropy is a wasteland to them. Jesus opted out of procreation as he was interested in philanthropy.
Fourteen reasons why people procreate
Despite the above truths, we are great devotees of Natalism, the belief that human reproduction is the basis of existence.
Question: ‘Why do you want to have a child?’
The response is always delayed as the person is in a state of momentary shock or confusion. To him, it seems as superfluous a question as ‘Why do you go to the toilet?’
There is more to the act of procreation than excretion.
Seven psychological reasons
- Reflex Action or ‘sheep’ mentality. Everyone does it. It’s in fashion! A child is just a fashion accessory…and it is just as mindless.
- Playing God. God created us; we want to create another. And just as god has been careless about nurturing his creation, parents are.
- Thanatophobia. Fear of death. Procreators actually believe that they can sort of vicariously dodge death by living through their children even after their own demise.
- Vanity. They think that they have some immaculate and indispensable qualities which they are duty-bound to pass on to their children for the welfare of the world…probably another Messiah!
- Narcissism. The above denotes inordinate and illogical self-love.
‘Is the fifth one really mine?’ he asked his wife.
‘Oh yes, he’s yours all right…The other four aren’t.’
- Sado-masochism. Women love to suffer their greatest natural ordeal, the torture of childbearing and childbirth - masochism; men like their women to suffer so - sadism. Both are prepared to give up a great many things in life for their tot: they yearn to get up at 4 o’clock in the morning to attend to their sweet little pestilential angel emitting sounds like a high-powered saw at work upon a piece of corrugated iron, or puking revolting stuff all over the precious eiderdown; they love to mount the delightful carousel of frustration and rage, disillusionment and hardship as they worry over their child’s pimples, studies, girl/boyfriends and substance addictions, and moan over their enormous bills. Such emotional tumult may eventually lead to the detriment of the parents’ own physical/mental health, which may, in turn, lead to the ill-treatment of their child in a hundred different ways of variable grossness. Now if this is not classical sado-masochism, I do not know what is!
7.Stupidity. In reality, men are primarily lovers, not fathers; men like women, not children; women like shopping, not children. Those who disagree and wish children have been brainwarped by the schmaltzy tripe dished out by the torrid tricksters of Tinseltown who portray parenthood as being heavenly. Therefore, the parents’ entrancement with the grotesque life-form lasts about 36 hours and 16 minutes, after which disillusionment sets in; they are appalled at the nuisance; they hold their heads and say, ‘What have I got myself into?!’
But now, they must camouflage their guilt with exaggerated demonstrations of ‘love’: hugs, kisses, gifts, Iloveyous, presents etc. and soldier on like those 150 troops at Rorke’s Drift. Only, that battle lasted for a day, this battle lasts a lifetime!
In other words, the business of ‘breeding and brooding’ is a prize form of stupidity.
No one is heeding. I am getting peeved.
Seven mercenary reasons
- Profession. Social Security countries whose daft policies involve dishing out (undeserved) monies and privileges for irresponsible procreation, has made baby-making a lucrative business. Such is the hysteria of breeding that we now have artificial insemination where a baby can have a bewildering circus of parents: single parents, step-parents, homosexual (gay) parents, lesbian ‘parents’ and a cohort of others who go shopping for eggs and sperms at the local Tesco. How can this be good for children when it is so confusing even for us onlookers?
- Love of money. Parents train their children to take over their family business or follow their own professions; in other words, free labour! ‘We have to keep the money in the family.’ And, many parents (especially Indian ones) force their children into professions which are the most lucrative, ignoring their natural aptitudes.
- Selfishness. ‘We need someone to look after us in our dotage,’ is a popular refrain. May be in years past when joint families were the norm, children looked after their parents with some semblance of respect/fear. But today, it is not so. i) Not many children live with or nearby their parents; ii) Even if they do, they look upon their parents’ old-fashioned ideals with undisguised disdain, laugh at their idiotic traditions and spit on their irrelevant customs; iii) They treat their patents, at best as annoying inconveniences/burdens, at worst, as servants; iv) Children dump their parents in pensioners/nursing homes in their dotage for a bucketful of reasons, some legitimate, some diabolical. Sadly, often the children are rightly so; the parents have failed to journey along with the times. (Further reading, Chapter Twenty-six, under the sub-heading, Twelve types of Retirees.)
- Boost Class-Caste. In all societies – pastoral, agricultural and industrial – one of the principal reasons to beget children was to maintain their social status and boost their numbers. Parents still force their children to marry within their social milieu.
- Boost religious numbers. The official moralists of religion say that it is the sacred duty of every citizen to have large families to add to the membership of their respective clubs. Since it is usually the lower classes who proliferate profusely (for very valid reasons, may I add), we will have an explosion of poverty-stricken, disease-ridden infants who grow up to be opportunity-denied, frustrated and angry adults. Little prospect of future health or happiness there. It seems quantity is preferable to quality!
- Materialism. The business community wants us to procreate only to brainwarp more people with the avaricious consumer spirit of the petty bourgeoisie to boost their profits. A sordid reason.
- Warfare. A truly iniquitous reason is that politicians promote procreation to use their subjects as fodder for their wars. Outrageous, but true. (Read Chapter Fifteen – Let’s upset the Offensive Forces.)
My uncle used to say, ‘Anyone who wishes you to procreate is your enemy.’
Three daft objections to non-procreation
1.“It is our duty to procreate! Why then has god given us genitals?” Well, for four reasons: one, to piss (in males); two, to masturbate; three, to copulate, four, to procreate. I am only against the fourth function. The real reason why people procreate (besides the above) is to test the efficiency of their genital organs, whether a virile sperm is breaking speed limits on its way to meet the embrace of a coyly waiting ovum around the corner, and subsequently, if the bed is capable of carrying the mess to term. My retort is, ‘We have been given many other faculties and organs such as circulatory, respiratory, digestive, musculoskeletal, neurological systems which we underuse, abuse or misuse. Why zoom in on just the reproductive system?’
2.Someone has shot up like a rocketing pheasant kicked in its buttocks, and is indignantly exclaiming in a furore of doom, desolation and despair, “But if all of us stop procreating, we will die out!” How perceptive he is! That is precisely my most fervent wish! We should put an end to humans who are the cause of all the ills on earth, whose crimes are too innumerable and appalling, and leave it to less destructive life forms. I cannot be doing with mawkish sentimentality.
- ‘But surely there are many good people.’ There are, but they are so few and ineffectual as not to matter a great deal. From the beginning of time, we have had philosophers, sages, and godpeople (even the Son of God) who have been urging us to be good. We have only gotten worse. To still desperately believe that the human is redeemable, that the future will be good, is high-class humbug.
Three strategies to discourage procreation.
This is of the first magnitude.
- General rule: No procreation until all orphans, and destitute/abused children are given succour. This may mean adoption or, if you do not wish your home to be invaded, simply furnishing funds to poor parents or organisations for the welfare of the child – adequate shelter, food, clothing, education, recreation and suitable work. (Read Chapter Forty-one, sub-heading Four things we can do.)
- Peak-end rule. Every potential mother will admit that the process of giving birth is an unbearable torment. Yet, she goes on to have another one. Why? Because the end result of a birth is the fuss people make over it - congratulations, flowers, toasts, presents, best wishes, god’s blessings; everyone descends into a state of crooning imbecility. The mother forgets the pain and exults at all the attention….and plans another baby!
3.Hit them where it hurts: i) Impose hefty obstetric fees; ii) Make breastfeeding compulsory for one year; prohibit chemical nonsense baby feeds (after all, poor third-world mothers breastfeed without making a fuss.); iii) Mothers not to return to work for 5 years after childbirth; no pay for that period; no child benefit; iv) Make everything to do with children costlier: baby food, clothes, toys, education; no discount rates in hotels, restaurants and travel; v) Back of the queue when it comes to jobs; a worse deal with pay scales, insurance and pension schemes; higher taxes; vi) And, shut down those diabolical infertility clinics.
Let’s see how many numpties will want babies then! Only those who are truly mindful of their responsibilities to the life they are about to create will do so.
It will lead to a better world.
Tips to potential procreators
I am not the complete sod you think I am. I am a generous, accommodating chap….even to those criminals who wish to procreate. I beg them to consider the following.
Most parents think that their job is done if they provide the basics of survival - shelter, clothing, food and education. But there is more to it – to nurture, teach and encourage the new life to be a decent human being, a repository for all things good. Therefore, the home is a hallowed stage where patience, tirelessness, love, tact and wisdom are the chief actors. The most sacred trust ever committed to human hands is the correct upbringing of a newly-created life.
My uncle used to say, ‘Creating a new life is dead easy; it just requires a tumble in bed. Nurturing it in the right way is another matter.’
‘Who should not procreate?’ The same as those who should not marry. Those in professions which require long hours, odd hours, or much time spent away from home (doctors, policemen, firemen, soldiers, spies, travelling salespeople, those working on oil rigs, aircraft, ships, and the like); those in politics, showbiz, sports; those totally dedicated to their work. That’s right; only boring dopes marry and procreate! Add to that list the following: those who live in flats/apartments; in areas dripping with atmospheric pollution and a continual racket; in homes with no access to greenery; a place not conducive to child play.
It begs the question, ‘Is anyone qualified to marry and procreate atallatall?’
If you wish to procreate, wait until age 35 for the following reasons. 1.Age is no guarantor of wisdom, yet, I am prepared to state that at the age of 35 (half the three score years and ten!), one is (or should be) reasonably equipped to contemplate (both marriage and) parenthood a bit more intelligently.
2.At age 35, i) You will be able to ask yourself the question, ‘Do I have the aptitudes and qualities necessary to be a good parent?’ If you do not, do not procreate. ii) You will be able to ask yourself another question, ‘Do I have the wherewithal to guide my child to be an honourable human being?’ If you are not up to it, do not procreate. (Further reading, the chapters of Books Nine and Ten.)
3.‘But what about the potential dangers of begetting genetically defective babies by elderly mothers?’ comes a startling quip. That is a myth put about by the crackpot medical profession.
4.I am a canny bugger. The real reason is that I believe that at that age you would realise how great life is without a pestilential baby, and voluntarily opt-out of procreation.
- Finally, you may be mature enough to consider the following. ‘Is it really necessary to procreate? Why not adopt?’ Adoption is a very laudable and compassionate act compared to mundane procreation. But, there are pitfalls here too. i) Do not adopt if you have a child of your own, for it is impossible to love a child composed of your own genes and another from a stranger’s equally. It will cause havoc; ii) You may not like strangers wandering about in your home. As mentioned above, why not just help unfortunate children or families in their own environment? This is also a kind of adopting. You may feel that all this rescue work palaver is futile; ‘Sod this, it is a load of sanctimonious rubbish.’ You may be right. Just enjoy your sojourn on earth.
- I shall prove my magnanimity: If you still wish to have your own genetic child, you may, at 35, stop with one. In one fell swoop, you would have knocked down the terrors of sibling rivalry, extra expenses and extra stress!
What’s my stance?
If you spurn my anti-baby stance, I can present divine corroboration for non-procreation. Psalm 51.5: ‘Behold, I was shapen in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me,’ meaning that we are not very desirable. Jesus rejected ‘Genesis 1:28: be fruitful and multiply…’ He did not go forth and procreate. Luke 14:26, ‘If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters— yes, even his own life— he cannot be My disciple.’ Anti-family? Brutalized and bruised, covered in blood, sweat, tears and dirt, fed up with the fickleness of even his alleged disciples, he stumbled while carrying the cross. A woman wiped his face and wept. Luke 23:28-31, ‘He said unto her, “Daughters of Jerusalem, stop weeping for me, but weep for yourselves and for your children. For behold, the days are coming when they will say, ‘Blessed are the barren, and the wombs that never bore, and the breasts that never nursed.’”
WC Fields, ‘I like children…if they are properly roasted!’
My uncle often mused, ‘Why are we lured into marriage and procreation which are so much more dangerous than the wildest sea?’ He said to me, ‘Those who opt out of parenthood are in good company.’
My uncle knew a fellow who actually liked children. ‘They are the only ones who can fathom how to operate cell phones, rig up a TV, use the remote, put together DIY items, and explain the dialogue in modern movies’.
Allow me to make something clear. You may think that I am at the van of a formidable movement which calls for the routine chloroforming of infants at birth. No, I am not; after all, a child is immature; it is a humanoid; it has not yet evolved to be a human. I like children; let on their own, they are charming, entertaining and delightfully mischievous creatures. It is when their parents are around, that they become monsters.
The mythology of all religions is full of children being sacrificed for and by their parents; there is not a single story where a parent is sacrificed for or by the child...though I feel that this is exactly what is needed!
I have climbed every mountain, searched high and low, followed every byway, every path I know, forded every stream, followed every rainbow, and looked under corners and around stones to find a competent and caring parent. I am yet to find such a life form! It is parents I loathe. I wish to be the initiator of a secret society calling for the evisceration and secret burial of would-be and full-fledged parents.
I shall justify my bloodlust. We are quite aware of the effect of the camera zooming in on spectators in the sports arena; they suddenly behave ‘differently’ when they catch themselves on the widescreen. Similarly, parents behave differently, indeed, atrociously once they have a child. They are obsessed with it, cooing, fondling, kissing, taking selfies and photographs. I can forgive all that nonsense, but what I cannot forgive is their complete absence of social courtesies, duties and obligations to others around them. The smartphone, the TV and the child are catalysts which bring out despicable behaviour.
I am in tune with Sam Levenson, who said, ‘Somewhere on this globe, every second, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.’ It is not oil, carbon dioxide, plastic, nuclear weapons or viruses that destroy our planet; it is the human who is the only criminal, the one great bully. This pestilential species should cease to exist. I am a misanthrope (one who hates humankind).
Nevertheless, I shall once again prove my magnanimity. The complete extinction of the human species may seem too drastic for your consumption. The present world population of 7.7 billion. How about getting it down to 1.7 billion, the number of people in 1900?
Who will join OOPS? Opting Out Of Parenthood Society.
I decided to opt-out of parenthood in 1977. I invented OOPS – Opting Out of Parenthood Society - in 1983. I have remained the single member of this imaginary society because I have never launched it! Will someone launch it?!
I am now 70 years old, and feel most strongly that OOPS should be launched without further delay because I believe that just as the ‘Gay’ people and the agnostics have emerged from their closets and called for due recognition of their sexual orientation and irreligiosity respectively, there are millions of people all around the world who would refrain from creating another pathogen…human. They do not do so because it is not easy to overcome fear, cowardice and stupidity when one is alone.
The aims of OOPS are as follows.
To try and convince people who wish to have children not to do so by sound and intelligent discussion.
To help those who do not wish to have children but are being forced to do so by i) convincing the forcers that it is not the done thing to interfere with one’s liberty and freedom, and ii) helping the forced to be true to their beliefs. In other words, we must brainwash those who have been brainwarped! Therefore, we must have a comprehensive register covering every inch of habitation to enable the forced to seek help.
To convince people who genuinely wish to be parents that adoption is an infinitely more worthy and noble action.
To urge people who do not wish to be parents, to use all that money and energy and time saved from the chore of parenthood, to rescue the less fortunate. Handups, not handouts. (read the chapter The Patron Saint of Lost Causes.)
OOPS will make a statement that needs to be made.